Hallway Consulting Group

Great leaders strive for success in all that they do. Every win drives them to do more and motivates their team to reach new heights. But we have to face reality. Every project idea does not lead to success. Every hire does not become a rock star performer. And we rarely get every promotion we try for. When we fail, disappointment and self-doubt can set in. How you handle disappointment makes all the difference for you and your team. 

“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” ~ Charles R. Swindoll 

As leaders, we often take risks. That means we will inevitably encounter setbacks, unmet expectations, and unforeseen challenges that can shake the foundations of our aspirations. The ability to navigate disappointment with resilience and grace stands the test of time as a defining leadership trait. Yet, in these moments, the true essence of a great leader appears. Our teams watch how we react and listen to what we say. These pivotal moments can often make or break a career. 

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”  ~ Zig Ziglar, leadership expert

While many disappointments fade from our memory, we all have one experience that sticks with us forever. My early years of leadership were filled with them as I was learning and growing. As John C. Maxwell says, “No one is good the first time.” And that was certainly true for me. 

As a new manufacturing manager, I was proud of my ability to meet deadlines and exceed shipment goals. When a key customer needed an emergency product delivery, I gave my word that it would ship as promised. While difficult to accomplish, I was resourceful and confident, sure my plan would come together without issue. As bad luck would have it, an inventory count was incorrect in the warehouse on a critical component needed to finish the job. Despite my best efforts, we could not find the part available from any local suppliers in time to meet our shipment date. My plan had failed. We did not meet the commitment as promised. I had put my reputation, and that of everyone at the company, on the line – and failed to come through.

As you can imagine, several people in the organization were not happy. The sales manager had to work through the consequences of the customer relationship and avoid further damage. My supervisor communicated how my performance had not met expectations and reminded me that making commitments meant I needed to keep them. At the time, my word was my best tool, and we discussed how I would need to find a way to rebuild trust with other departments regarding my commitments. More importantly, he helped me put strategies in place to ensure I had ALL of my bases covered before making promises in the future. I learned where the surprises in the process could be, what critical items to check before saying yes, and how to utilize others to come up with the best response rather than saying yes to everything. I will never forget that it is not just my reputation on the line, but so many others that support the end customer experience.

Here are ten tips for leaders to consider when dealing with personal disappointment: 

1. Acknowledge and accept the emotions: Recognize and acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Disappointment is a common emotion – we are human, after all. Acceptance is the first step in managing your feelings.
2. Pause and breathe: Take a moment to step back and collect your thoughts. Avoid making impulsive decisions in the heat of the moment. Take a deep breath, or, if possible, take a short break to regain composure.
3. Seek perspective: Put disappointment in perspective by considering the bigger picture. Understand that setbacks are a part of any journey. They often provide valuable lessons for growth.
4. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up will only limit your thinking. Understand that everyone faces challenges. Setbacks are not a reflection of personal failure. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer a colleague.
5. Communicate effectively: Share your feelings with a trusted colleague, mentor, or friend. Talking about your emotions can provide support and different perspectives. Effective communication can also foster a more positive work environment. Blaming or complaining will not change the situation and can damage your reputation.
6. Focus on solutions: Shift your focus from the problem to potential solutions. Identify actionable steps that you can take to address the disappointment and move forward. A solution-oriented mindset can help mitigate negative emotions.
7. Set realistic expectations: Reflect on whether your expectations were realistic and, if needed, adjust them for the future. Unrealistic expectations can contribute to disappointment, so setting achievable goals is critical.
8. Cultivate resilience: Develop resilience by viewing challenges as temporary. Focus on building a mindset that allows you to bounce back from setbacks with increased strength.
9. Learn from the experience: Reflect on the disappointment and consider what lessons you learned. Great leaders review, evaluate, and make a plan to do better in the future.
10. Maintain a healthy work-life balance: Ensure you have a well-balanced life outside of work. In the face of adversity, great leaders often double down on their efforts, which can cause burnout. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation to maintain your emotional well-being.

As author Ryan Leak comments in his book Chasing Failure, everything about leadership is risky. We cannot avoid risk, just like we cannot avoid disappointment. Manage your disappointment with grace, dignity, and perseverance. Select just one strategy from the list and imagine how to use it in the face of disappointment. Preparing is the first step to succeeding!