There are many principles of leadership. You can find them in books, podcasts, or a variety of other sources these days. It seems everyone has their own philosophy on the ideal qualities of a leader. But we need to find mentors whose leadership principles resonate with our own values and ideals. Otherwise it’s just words. And words become very difficult to put into action if we don’t believe in the ideals and values they represent. The bottom line is – who we learn from matters.
One of my favorite lessons from the John C Maxwell book 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth is the law of modeling. It’s the understanding that if you want to grow, it’s important to see what you want to be in action. And that to help others grow, you have to model that behavior for them to see. This law provides insight into the need for awareness, reflection and accountability.
Many of us find mentors in the books we read as they provide new insights and perspectives. Good authors will force us to challenge our thinking in new ways. They often don’t give us the answer but cause us to reflect on how we can put what we are reading into action. Sometimes we learn from great personal mentors. That might be family members, friends or co-workers. Mentors can support our personal or professional growth. Sometimes modeling can provide examples in leadership we do NOT want to follow. Ineffective leaders can provide us with painful lessons that aren’t easily forgotten! And we say to ourselves “I will never be like that”.
As Winston Churchill stated, “With greatness comes responsibility,” so does leadership. Modeling requires responsibility and personal accountability to live your values and to act accordingly. We cannot mentor others if we don’t hold ourselves to ethical and moral standards of behavior. That means even when no one is watching.
I’ve had some great bosses over the years that I can tie to times of professional or personal growth, oh, and a few stinkers as well. I know that, because I still use stories to this day of how they shaped my leadership style through the lessons they shared. I’m so thankful that the great ones were willing to share their expertise and knowledge. What a precious gift that I was so unaware of at the time it was happening.
For example, when I was a manufacturing production planner, I remember being in a meeting with a senior leader from another team. I was pretty young in my career and still working on managing my emotions. The senior leader made some comments which I thought were a bit insulting to my understanding of the situation, and I proceeded to share my thoughts – unfortunately not in the most professional manner. After the meeting, I shared with my direct supervisor what had happened. To my amazement, he marched to the senior leader’s office and defended my frustration. Let me be clear. He defended the reason for my frustration, but not my unprofessional words. Then he came back to me and provided coaching on how to better handle the situation in the future. I truly thought I was going to get fired. But instead, he taught me how important it was to stand up for your team members, and yourself, albeit in a more professional manner. We talked about how our emotions can get in our way from thinking clearly, and if we let them control us our message won’t be heard. Controlling my emotions has taken a lifetime of work, and it’s something I have to be conscious of every day. But that day, lesson learned.
Mentors can come from places you didn’t expect. My older brother was career military. He enlisted when I was in middle school and wasn’t home much during my high school years. But, surprisingly, he was my first mentor when it came to supervising and leading. We talked quite a bit as I started in my first leadership role, comparing notes on how we handled situations. He gave me advice that I still use with new supervisors. Early on I was struggling while dealing with issuing my first disciplinary action for an employee who did not follow a work rule. I wasn’t sure what to do about the situation, how best to communicate it to the individual, and what the ramifications should be? I was full of anxiety about having the conversation with the employee and worried I would get it all wrong.
My brother put it in simple terms that were easy to understand. He said he had dealt with many rule infractions in the military and even helped to exit soldiers from the Army. But his view was always the same. “It wasn’t me that was out past curfew, it wasn’t me that had pot in my footlocker. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me. I don’t make the rules. But this individual put me in a position where now I have to enforce the rules.” It was simple but took so much weight and guilt off my shoulders as a new supervisor. Lesson learned? Keep the emotion out and stick to the facts of the situation. Be objective and fair, but continue to hold people accountable. And unfortunately, there are times when you need to have these hard conversations. Make sure people know the rules and expectations and you will likely have fewer of them.
Today I read – mostly from the library of John C Maxwell. I find his language and tone to be down to earth, practical and in line with my values on how to treat others. I found the Maxwell Leadership organization in late 2020. I think we were all looking for purpose during the pandemic. I saw an ad for their certification program, talked to an advisor, and signed up as a member. Joining mostly to get access to some great leadership training content for my professional business, I had no idea the impact the organization would have on me personally. I found my people and I am surrounded by mentors who live great leadership values and share them with the world! There are role models everywhere I turn. At a point in my career where I was feeling stuck and like there wasn’t anyone to follow or learn from, here they were. Hiding in plain sight. I have met amazing people through the John Maxwell leadership team and have read more than I have in years – soaking up and applying lessons, hoping to become a better leader and model for others. Lesson learned? Role models are out there, you just might not be looking in the right place.
Interesting fact? After my brother passed away, I received several leadership books from his desk that my sister-in-law thought I might appreciate. Can you guess the author? Yep, John C Maxwell – some of his earlier writings. It seems my brother and I shared the same love for values-based leadership, probably learned from our parents at an early age.
Take a few minutes to make a list of the role models and mentors throughout your life. Who are they and why? What did you value from that relationship? Then think about what you need now, and in the future, to reach your personal or professional goals. Do you have the right role models or mentors to help you get there? If not, where might you find them? Make the connections you need to continue to grow your network and surround yourself with models.
Take another few minutes to consider your role as a mentor and model for others. Do you reflect your values in your actions and words? Or is there a disconnect? If you do, that’s wonderful! Keep up the great work. If you don’t, what changes do you have to make to put things in alignment. None of us want to be the person others promise NEVER to be! If you are, remember that we are all a work in progress with the ability to change. It all starts with being aware, being honest and being willing.
Hallway Consulting Group 
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